9 THINGS I’VE LEARNED AT 19

There’s a lot of pressure when the day of my birth arrives every year. As I turn 20 today and enter another decade in my life, I feel like my two decades on earth have ultimately left me confused. Aren’t I supposed to be smarter about decisions? Do I really need to be writing about my feelings on the Internet? (Hint: The answer to both is no.)

For those of you who need some of that “wisdom” that I’ve garnered over the years, this is my gift to you. Take it or leave it.

  1. How you look at 5 AM does not surprise you anymore.
  2. Fairy tales like Cinderella’s start to make less sense, like doesn’t she have to pay taxes?
  3. Don’t worry, your Teen Vogue subscription still continues after your teenage years.
  4. YAY Feminism! But can a guy please come over to kill this spider right now?
  5. Your Netflix queue takes precedence over going out with “friends.”
  6. “Running” isn’t something you do on the weekends wearing LuLu Lemon. It’s what happens when the R Train is about to leave the platform and the next one doesn’t come until an hour later.
  7. Your birthday means nothing if people don’t wish you a Happy Birthday on Facebook.
  8. Delete your Facebook, it means nothing.
  9. Speak up.

Since I’m officially in my 20’s, do I get cast as a series regular on GIRLS now?

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