Five years ago, I would come home to Facebook like it was my on-and-off boyfriend. Now, I’ve abandoned it for the newer, cooler model that’s ready for a long-term relationship. Even 13-year-olds aren’t exactly privy to the cultist status that Facebook used to have. Also, I’m just not having it with the subtle “my life is better than yours” photo albums.
Now that Twitter and I have established ourselves, I am in a point in our relationship where I am comfortable with pointing out its flaws. (Disclaimer: There is never a safe time to point out each other’s flaws; I am just describing a website!) Let’s be honest, there are people we follow on Twitter that can make or break our day and timeline. It’s time to call them out.
The Hypochondriac: The Twitter status box is not the WebMD symptom checker. Do not feel free to list your health symptoms or feelings. Your followers are not your doctor…unless your pediatrician really is following you.
A Life Coach or Tony Robbins: You’re the people who post motivational/inspirational/religious quotes in the hope that you’re making someone’s day. That’s what the comments section of FOX News is for, my friends.
The Subliminal Tweeter: I get it. That tweet you just tweeted was directed towards me. Can’t you just text me?
Tweeter Before Texter: I texted you, then you tweet something instead of replying to me. Bitch.
ThEsE PeOpLe or TH1$ P3R$0N
I’m certainly not here to tell you how you should tweet. I’m just someone who wishes that everyone will have the same television viewing schedule as I do, or that Beyonce would reveal her new do hours before I decide to sleep. Since the world will most likely NOT sing Destiny Child’s Cater 2 U as an ode to me, I won’t dictate your Twitter habits.
Twitter is my Narnia, don’t ruin it for me.
P.S. Follow me on Twitter? Did I miss anyone?